I am finally over a nasty chest infection that had me wheezing through the night. I sounded like a kettle boiling! I could probably have wheezed a few Christmas carols in tune!! I don't like doubling my dose of hydrocortisone as it puts me into a false sense of well being and also I gain weight...or so I thought. Having got on the scales this week I have lost nearly 2 pounds which is great. I have nearly broken the 19 stone mark. I cant wait to see 18 on the scales again. I am at the heaviest I have been in my entire life and I don't want to be this weight. Since leaving work in August I have lost 11 pounds which isn't too bad considering I have been juggling my medication and have had adjustments to what I take. I didn't think I could lose any weight but I have tried my hardest to eat as sensibly as possible. I just need to concentrate on the exercise part which is hard for me as I get exhausted easily but I am so determined, more than ever, to get rid of those pounds and inches. I need to do this not only for my own health but for my state of mind. I need to boost my confidence and self-esteem and prove to myself that the fight is not over. 2008, for me has been about change and trying to figure out where my life is going. 2009 will be about new beginnings and goals. I am looking at trying to get back into employment by March so that we can boost our income and start looking at saving for the future as well as improving our house. An extra wage would put us in a good position and give us the freedom to enjoy life a little. However, I need to be in a good place to be able to feel I can hold a job down. I am getting there but I need to get myself a little fitter and starting the growth hormone therapy in January, I hope, will also help me.
We're heading up to Scotland soon and I cannot wait. I have never been there before and we are staying in a cottage overlooking a loch. I am so looking forward to the break and relaxation with my family. I wasn't feeling the Christmas spirit but its starting to come and now I am getting excited. Harry is learning his lines for his Christmas play. He is playing a Christmas Card...!! Its the first time he has had lines in a play and I am so proud of him. He has overcome his speech problems and is growing so much in confidence. I just love him to pieces. This new life we have here has certainly changed us all for the better, I am so happy to say. We have had our fair share of bad luck in the past few years but I have come to learn as I grow older that sometimes luck is what we make of it. I have always tried to be positive, trying to get myself through some of the worst times with a smile, for my own sanity and for that of my family as sometimes I feel like the bedrock, the glue holding everyone's spirits together. I don;t know what change has happened within me in the last few weeks but I feel very empowered and alive and the urge to want to change things for the better in our lives is very overpowering.